Wednesday, February 6, 2013

The Ultimate Valentine's Day Gift List

So, some blog author may or may not have promised everyone out there a list of gifts to give your significant other on Valentine’s Day.* Unlike some of my other promises, this one I’m actually going to keep. This list is by no means perfect, but it’s better than every other list out there. So I’d recommend soaking it all up and giving one of these gifts to your lover. For whatever reason, it is assumed that guys must get the girl a gift and the girl is just supposed to sit there and look pretty and say things like “oh my gosh” and “oh snicker-doodle, this gift is great.” Thus, this list will be a bit heavy on gifts a guy can get for his girlfriend.

Before I begin, two points. First, if you don’t actually like the person you’re with, do not wait until after Valentine’s Day to break up with them. People seem to believe that waiting to break up with someone who makes you miserable is the polite thing to do. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Do it now. Heck, stop reading this, go break up with the person who makes you cry, then come back and read this together with your newer, better, significant other. Second, the question of how much to spend comes up a lot, so I like to follow this template to determine how much needs to be spent on a gift:

If you aren’t dating and/or you’re only dating in your head: $0.
If you are planning to break up with him/her on February 15th: $0.
Only been dating for two weeks or less: $5 maximum.
Dating for four weeks or less: $10 maximum.
In a Relationship and dating longer than two months: $25 maximum.

Obviously, underline the word “maximum.” The goal isn’t to spend a ton of money on him/her, it’s to spend the least amount possible.** Anyway, onto the list:

- A stuffed animal, ideally a dog, cat, bear, or pig. Maybe a zebra if you’re feeling risky.
- A box of chocolates*** or some flowers she likes.****
- A gift card for a spa or a nail salon.
- Something from one of your first dates or a special memory. Like a picture, ticket stub, etc.
- Dinner or lunch at a place your lover enjoys.
- A cake or some other baked good. Although see footnote two. He/She won’t share.
- Take them back to where you met and reminisce.
- Cook your date a meal and pamper them.
- A book or Blu-Ray they’ve had their eye on. Probably a Blu-Ray since I’m the only one who reads anymore.
- Some clothes you believe they’d look good in. Make sure to secretly raid their closet for their sizes.
- Head to some place with nice scenery, ideally somewhere you’ve never been together, lay back and talk.
- Buy your significant other concert, sports, play or any other event tickets they’ve had their eye on.
- Buy some cologne or perfume that you believe would smell good on them.
- Get some massage oil and give them a personal massage...if that’s your thing and you don’t suck as much at massages as I do.        
- Some sexy lingerie or boxers you want to see them in...for a few minutes.

Or you could get your lover this picture in the form of a poster. The goal is to make your lover feel awesome, obviously.
So there you have it. A bunch of gift ideas that will make your lover even more attracted to you. And why is that? Because your gift is meaningful and not something extremely expensive that shows you put no thought into it. Feel free to keep some time open for after dinner, if you know what I mean. Hopefully you are spending this Valentine's Day with your vision of The Perfect Woman or The Perfect Man. Have fun out there!

* When I say “significant other,” I don’t mean the girl you’ve been crushing on for the past two years nor the girl your best friend is dating. I mean someone you are in a committed relationship with. If you’re only dating him/her in your head, no gift. Possibly a psychologist, but definitely not a gift.

** Relax, everyone! This is a basic guideline but feel free to spend more. The point I am trying to make is this: it is not about how much you spent but about what your gift means. If you’re trying to buy their affection with money, well, you deserve everything you don’t get. It’s better to spend less on something meaningful than spend $100 or more on a gift you put no thought into. No one enjoys feeling like they were “bought,” especially not women.

*** The most common, but also the riskiest gifts. She is going to eat all of the chocolates and not share any. That’s bad. You wanted some of those, too.

**** The flowers, well, who wants flowers? All they do is look nice for a day and then die a slow and painful death. Do you want the flowers to be a metaphor for your relationship? Yeah, I’d stay away. Alright, alright, I’m joking. Find out what flowers she wants and then get those. Don’t go rogue and buy anything. There is a big difference between a rose and an orchid, for instance. Some women love a few types of flowers and the rest do not impress them. Find out which ones!
Some of you who pay extra special attention to detail will note that we have had this discussion of flowers before on: First Date Tips.


  1. You forgot my personal favorite: a thoughtful letter!

  2. Ice Skating and Hot Chocolate!