Sunday, January 13, 2013

Cuddle Buddies

Finally! A topic I know something about. I’m not very good at a lot of things. Kissing? Bad. Emotions? Not a fan. Fun? It’s overrated. Cuddling, however, is where I am a self-appointed professional. If there was a Cuddle Committee, I would be the chairman. I would medal at the Cuddlympics. In any case, there is a lot of bad information out there on what Cuddle Buddies are. One website calls them a complete myth! Those fools. Seriously, Google it and be prepared for an onslaught of conflicting information. Actually, don’t Google it and just wait for me to tell you about it in the next paragraph. What I hope to accomplish here is to right the wrongs involved in the world of cuddling. Let’s begin!

Aww, look at those kittens cuddling. Also, spooning is secretly not so secretly every girl's favorite position.
1. What Cuddling is Not

I’ll be honest, I added a New Year’s Resolution to my list this year to get angry more often. People have said I am too nice and do not overreact enough, so here I am, trying to find things to get pissed off about. Cuddling is not some throwaway gesture done at the end of sex to appease one’s significant other. If your heart isn’t in it, why cuddle? Better that you go off to sleep and spare us all the completely worthless display you call cuddling. Cuddling is not exclusive to middle-aged women who can’t find anyone to love them, as one website proclaims. Seriously, mysterious woman who spouts this garbage, please stop soiling one of the best parts of life and leave the internet alone! Finally, it is not supposed to be a prelude to sex, either. Actually, I’ll add one here. It is not done with a pillow! You need two people for this exercise. Get those cuddling pillows out of here!

2. What Cuddling Is

Cuddling is when two people get together, ideally in a bed, sometimes in an uncomfortable car seat, while one person holds the other. They can switch positions, but it usually doesn’t work like that and is weird. Typically, one is a “holder” and the other the “held.” The person being held is usually the one comforted, although both people gain something from it. Not only is there close physical contact throughout the duration, but there is usually quite a bit of talking. Typically, the conversations are emotionally-charged in a good way. Emotions tend to be much more free flowing when you’re literally holding onto someone or vice-versa. Go figure. If the person you’re cuddling with doesn’t suck at it, then usually, the longer it goes on, the better it becomes. Most importantly, there is very little, if any, sexual overtones or contact during a cuddle with a cuddle buddy. You’re there for the emotional stuff, not the sex. If you want sex, go have sex. If you want to cuddle, then cuddle.

3. Why Cuddling Is Awesome

I have always come away from a good cuddle session feeling refreshed and raring to go. Seriously, think about all of the times you've cuddled with someone and how you felt after. If you did it correctly, you felt great after. There is a reason why oxytocin is called "the cuddle hormone." Seriously, Google it. Oxytocin does all of these amazing things like bond people to one another and product good feelings. So guys, when you want to deepen your relationship with a woman, cuddle with her. If done correctly, you'll get a lot out of it, too.

4. How to Find a Cuddle Buddy

Ahh, this is the question on everyone’s mind.* How does one obtain a cuddle buddy? It’s usually a good idea to do a bit of research here. Does this person look like a good cuddler? Women, if the guy seems very relaxed, chill, and down to earth, you’re on the right track. He also shouldn’t be obviously interested in you sexually.** Thus, someone you aren’t particularly close to, but more of an acquaintance would work well. Guys, if you want a cuddle buddy for any reason, search out a girl you really get along with and feel you can really open up to. Someone who makes you feel those “warm fuzzies” on the inside. Someone who you want to hold. For both sexes, make sure it is someone you can trust to keep their mouth shut and not divulge your deepest, darkest secrets.

5. The Rules/Helpful Tips

Alright, so you’ve found an acquaintance-esque person who you think would be a great cuddler to fulfill all of your emotional needs. Fantastic. Now, it is time to talk to them to make sure you’re good to go here. They have to know what this relationship will be. It will be about cuddling and emotions. It is basically a friendship on steroids. No sex and there will probably not be a relationship in this person’s future with you. They are not to share anything you talk about with anyone. Making sure you only see this person once a week or less is a great idea to ensure neither of you get too attached. Promote a culture of openness between both of you so that when one of you wants to end it for any reason, it’s not a problem. The openness is to ensure there are no surprises. The more information you can give them, the better. If they’re cool with it, then great! You have just netted yourself a cuddle buddy. Your friends should be jealous, they only wish they could have what you have.

6. The Demise

Unfortunately, much like The Hurt Locker***, Cuddle Buddy Relationships tend to blow up. Virtually always****, something falls apart. Most often, one person falls for the other and it either evolves into a relationship, or more often, doesn’t. Sometimes one person finds a real relationship and then ends it. Sometimes, it doesn’t work because of a breach of trust. No matter what, something inevitably fails. I mean, how many people do you know who have a cuddle buddy for years? Not many, I imagine. Make sure to enjoy the good arrangement while it lasts and understand that, in all likelihood, it is temporary.

My Verdict: You can probably tell I'm just a little biased. Honestly, my dream has always been to find a great cuddle buddy. Unfortunately, it has never worked out for me. Either the woman has fallen for me or we have fallen for each other, but my dream lives on! Maybe I'll never find a great cuddle buddy, but one of the pre-requisites for a wife is she has to be a great cuddler.

* Well, mostly women, but perhaps a few guys.

** If there is interest, there will probably be a “how to know if a guy wants to get into your pants” post. Email me!

*** Emotionally speaking, of course.

**** The best application of a Cuddle Buddy is a short-term arrangement where the meetings are few and far between, as stated above. In rare cases, these do actually work out for the best and there is a positive effect on the lives of both people. Aww.


  1. I repudiate to be someone's cuddle buddy that's just absurd.

    1. It is, admittedly, difficult to stay "just" cuddle buddies with someone. Ideally, the person you are in a relationship with will be a great cuddler.

  2. Your so right.. I've had a few cuddle buddies and im 19,i have not had sex with any of them and am far from a middle aged woman that can't find anyone to love her..infact i find it the. complete opposite. Although at the beginning i make it clear that it is just cuddles every guy ends up wanting more.. I dont get emotional with them or have deep conversaions but its nice to have someone to cuddle upto on a cold lonely night. I also like that i am able to forget the world for the moment and fall asleep wrapped in a guys arms.. And the sense of sucurity that it comes with.. I love spending time with my cuddle buddies but it never lasts more then a few week as it gets awkward when they start liking me n i don't want to risk leading them on. For awhile now I think i have just given up on cuddle buddies because im a nice person and i can't continue to hurt them on or let them down

    1. Hey Anonymous, thank you for reading and commenting. I feel your pain. It's a lot harder than it seems. It's pretty difficult not to develop feelings for the other person even if firm ground rules are set. I'm glad to hear other people are into the idea, too. That's pretty cool and classy of you to throw in the towel, though, to spare guys pain. You sound like a cool girl and it sounds like you're going to find an awesome guy. Best of luck to you.

  3. Well I find it a relief that cuddling isn't a prelude to sex. I've heard stories that ended that way from others but I don't think them guys were that touchy feely anyway they didn't come off that way. I'm real touchy feely so I wish I could hug everyday. My folks aren't into it like me. I have a friend who seems like he'd agree to it but he's a guy and I'm being careful. We haven't even been in person yet because he's busy with stuff and I'm being super careful. Don't want it to end up in a "one side falling for the other" problem. I'm not looking for a relationship just someone to hug.

    1. Hey JCGTB,

      It can be a prelude to sex, bit it definitely doesn't have to be. Sometimes two people can get together and it is understood one or both of them just wants to be held and made to feel safe. It's also pretty nice to be able to cuddle someone to sleep or be cuddled to sleep and wake up next to them the next morning. As far as not being able to hug everyday, if that's what you truly want, you can make it happen. You just have to lead in that direction. I hug people on most days because the people close to me know that's what I want, so they are open to it. I also give great hugs.

      Definitely be careful with your situation. If you haven't met in person yet, you want to keep a mental distance between you until you have met and made sure you hit it off. Then see if he is open to maybe coming over and cuddling. If you make it clear that's what you want, and if the other person likes you, too, they will usually be amenable to the arrangement. Best of luck!

  4. Great topic, I've spent a few hours reading up on this.

    A few months ago I came out of a 8 year relationship, it ended badly so not looking for a new one.

    Then recently an old friend of a friend started working at my place, we hit it off straight away, as friends of course. Now we are cuddle buddies, nothing sexual, just two people who enjoy cuddles. We do break a few of the "rules" we see each other most days at work, but keep any cuddling out of work.

    I do have a worry about the CB status, I worry that I'm stopping her from finding someone to truely love because she is getting affection from me.

  5. Hey Anonymous

    Sorry to hear about the ending of the relationship. 8 years is quire a while. Sounds like the slippery slope may have already begun. Just make sure to do a "pulse check" frequently to see how you're emotionally dealing with it, too, and to ensure no one is falling for the other one. Best of luck.